December 29, 2008

Zoltrog Versus Jesus

Zoltrog has just finished his Christmas vacation. Zoltrog has heard much of this "Jesus," for whom the human holiday of Christmas is based. He may be a worthy adversary for Zoltrog. Studying your Bible has revealed much about Jesus...
  • He can change your life-giving water molecule into an alcoholic liquid which my neighbor Zeek believes is life-giving for a party. Zoltrog in unfamiliar with this concept.
  • He can raise the deceased. This is truly impressive and must be taken into account when I slaughter your people. Note to Zoltrog: take out Jesus first.
  • Jesus himself is one of three gods who make up a trinity, which is considered only one God. He is one God, with one of your upper case G's, and yet he is made up of three gods? To base an entire belief system off mathematics so very shoddy is the reason your planet is so very doomed!
  • Jesus may or not be able to be killed. Whether Jesus is a cybernetic organism or not, Zoltrog is unsure. But Zoltrog has faced cyborgs before. They are tricky metal creatures. Zoltrog predicts Jesus will pose as a little a threat as all those meddlesome metal obstacles.

Zoltrog is totally calling Jesus a meddlesome metal obstacle. Zoltrog is calling you out, Jesus. To antagonize you further, I have designed a "Yo Mama" witticism at your expense.

Jesus, your maternal figure is so homely and so lacks the ability
to take a mate that she was required to reproduce asexually, mwahahaha! Oh, that is correct, Zoltrog went there.
Zoltrog challenges you, Jesus! Zoltrog even went to Kinko's to create a graphical promotion of our bout! But don't think you're in the clear, Earthlings! Your planet as a whole is still doomed, mwahaha!

End communication.

No comments: