Zoltrog Helps The Printed News Industry

Zoltrog hears much of Earth's troubled economic times, particularly the flailing printed news industry. Profits are in decline while costs ascend quicker than a freckton's nub on his day of first breeding.

News organizations are increasing the cost of syndication to smaller news outlets that cannot afford said increase.

Since Zoltrog is superior in all ways, Zoltrog believes he can help bring relevant news to all news outlets for free. That is correct. Free. No need to give thanks. Zoltrog supposes that when your planet is conquered he will gain much in return. I'm sure thanks will be included, as well as enslavement, cries for mercy, and Earth-death.

So, you may hang onto these news headlines, because they will at some future date be relevant and factual.

HEADLINES OF THE FUTURE!

• Earth Spiraling Toward Definite Peril
• Zoltrog Names Zoltrog Ruler Of Earth
• Zoltrog A God? ... Yes.
• 10 Ways You Can Help Speed Up Enslavement
• Lose Weight While Running From Alien Invaders!
• Will Zoltrog Keep You? Increase Your Chances
• Zoltrog Says Earth Much Better Than Rectumulus System
• Zoltrog Voted Best Breeding By Earth Women... And Men!

What? Zoltrog is not gay. Zoltrog's charisma is simply so powerful that while breeding with your females, the male sex of your species will feel it as well. Zoltrog cannot help if he is that good. So what if Zoltrog is in good shape, well-dressed and well-groomed. Zoltrog just feels that it is important to take care of oneself.

...

SILENCE!

Enjoy the assistance printed news industry, at no cost to you. None yet anyway, mwahaha!

End communication.