March 24, 2009

Ask Zoltrog

Many Earthlings send email to Zoltrog asking for advice on human matters, or for mercy when the time comes to choke the life out of their planet. Is it in Zoltrog's best interest to help humans? Perhaps not, but when stressed, human meat is tough and stringy. Begin the consultation process!

Dear Zoltrog,

My boyfriend just broke up with me two months ago and I am finding it difficult to move on and see other people. How can I get over this guy?

Kansas City, Missouri, USA, Earth, Milky Way, Dimension x920xx0

Human Patti. Affirmative, relationships can indeed end badly, and emptying your mental cavity of those memorial brain functions often exacerbates the problem. However, fixing the problem is not difficult. Here is your standard, puny human brain, enlarged so that your puny brain can comprehend the puniness of your puny brain...

Simply remove the cerebrum from your brain -- the area designated by the Earth color blue -- and you should see a change very quickly. Zoltrog hopes that assists you in some way.

Your Friend,**

End communication.

**One of those friends who later dooms you and incinerates your planet.

1 comment:

Mike Todd said...

Very useful advice. I hope you answer a few more before our planet is incinerated. By you.