November 12, 2009

10 Ways Zoltrog Could Impregnate You

It has been a long time since Zoltrog last communicated with you. And perhaps many of you grew worrisome at the prospect of Zoltrog not impregnating you at some point in your life, a highlight for many of your species.

Zoltrog impregnates many beings. It is a testament to Zoltrog's supreme virility. But unlike the simple Earth penis, Zoltrog has many tools which will carry on Zoltrog's superior genes. The following is a list of biological avenues Zoltrog utilizes to get it on, galactically speaking, with Earth females.

10 Ways Zoltrog Could Impregnate You

1. A firm handshake.
2. A cool evening breeze.
3. The sweet sounds of his ear-shattering war drums, made from human ears.
4. Red.
5. Tinier chocolate versions of himself. Space chocolate.
6. His 1988 Silver Mercury Topaz GS.
7. Facebook status updates that include "gym," "homework," or "Zoltrog impregnating procedures commence!"
8. With pure Zoltrog muscle, because Zoltrog works out, that's no secret.
9. His signature sexual position, also known as "Zol-troggy style."
10. Reading a list of ways Zoltrog could impregnate you, mwahahaha!

Unfortunately for you, the gestation period for a Zoltrog prescribed offspring is a matter of weeks. You will see an increase in womb mass by sun up. Zoltrog takes no legal responsibility for any offspring conceived. Zoltrog does not need any human hybrid baby mama drama.

End communication.

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