June 28, 2011

Future Earth Days of Your Future Earth Weeks

As his army amasses many galaxies away, constructing weapons of unspeakable power and doom, Zoltrog thinks the Earth days of the week would be better named as the following...

  • Monday will become Moanday, as in the shattered moans of subjugated puny humans!
  • Tuesday will become Ruseday, whereby once a week Zoltrog will stage a televised news event depicting puny humans unrealistically usurping Zoltrog's throne and retaking their planet.  Zoltrog will then appear on your Earth television, inform puny humans of the ruse and their obvious stupidity, and then laugh maniacally, like so: MWAHAHAHA!
  • Wednesday will become Wedday, the day when Zoltrog will claim a weekly Earth bride of his choosing.  A violent ejection of offspring will follow!
  • Thursday will become Thirstday, as in the constant forever unquenchable thirst for freedom that puny humans everywhere will experience!
  • Friday will become Fryday, the day when weekly Earth punishments will be carried out on lawbreaking puny humans: first dipped in a batter of other humans and then thrust into a vat of scorching Sun matter!
  • Saturday will become Slaughterday.  Zoltrog need not explain further.
  • Sunday will remain Sunday.  And those puny human criminals who have somehow survived Fryday will be fired into the Sun.

End communication.

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