July 4, 2013

Zoltrog Congratulates America For Lasting Another Year Without Total Destruction

You've performed adequately, America.  You have not been completely and utterly obliterated yet by an alien race, and Zoltrog commends you on that.  It is indeed impressive.

So, enjoy your American earth ales, and your cylindrical meats of what is generally thought to be pork, and your circular beef patties of grades A through F, and your explosive sulfer-based color-infused entertainment sky modules, and your Base of balls sports events.

Slow roast your assorted pathetically lean meats, puny American Earthlings.  Inebriate yourselves with your watery alcoholic Earth beverages.  View your puny sky explosions.

But know this!  Soon, VERY SOON, Zoltrog and Zolrog's forces of good-----GOOD FOR ZOLTROG, BAD FOR EARTH-----will slow roast your planet in a doom marinade, properly left overnight in Zoltrog's powerful Kenmore refrigerator-----IT WILL DESTROY YOUR PUNY MAYTAG!

Zoltrog and Zoltrog's mighty forces will then become quenched and inebriated on the blood of you and all your kind!

And if you are under the assumption that your July month celebratory explosions are impressive then your bowels will surely empty quick and painfully when Zoltrog's armies enter your atmosphere in a fiery cascade of death.

Earth pantaloons will be stained and ruined and new Earth pantaloons will need to be purchased!  Zoltrog knows there are often Earth sales on pantaloons at various merchandise outlets!  Your imminent destruction at the hands of Zoltrog is no reason to pay exorbitant Earth prices on a simple pair of pantaloons!

The choice is yours, mwahahahaha!

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